


Always

by lewdlordmiraak



Category: John Wick (Movies), John Wick - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Happy(ish) ending, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Established Relationship, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-09-01 02:01:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20250331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lewdlordmiraak/pseuds/lewdlordmiraak
Summary: John returns home to find you, broken.





	Always

> He comes back to a mess, things strewn about the hotel room in seemingly random order; books, clothes, clothes, paper. The alarm clock was missing and if he hadn’t carefully been examining the ground as he walked, he would have missed your phone, crushed to the point where it would never work again and shards of glass clustered around it. He pauses.
> 
> If it weren’t for the set of basic rules every continental followed, he would’ve thought someone had come in, and hurt you. You did have a target on your back, after all. Being the wife of the Baba Yaga came with certain unavoidable risks. Risks which he hoped he could shut away and bury, deep down where no one would ever find them. He wanted you safe. He wanted you protected. But he knew right now that the only way to do that was to leave you here when he was out. That, and something very basic. Something he should’ve known would tear at you, no matter where you were or where he went. Yourself. 
> 
> “[Name]?” He calls out for you, but there’s no answer, and he dreads what he will find. He knows you wouldn’t ignore him, the sweet, loving way that you are, so he worries then, rather, that you can’t hear him. His bag drops quietly to the floor as he loses all sense of caution. He needs to see you, and he needs to see you now. Hold you in his arms, tell you how much he loves you, how much you mean to him. With his body, if not his words. He has long since learned that the words he says can be twisted in your mind, bent to some cruel new meaning that only drags you down. He hates that part about you.
> 
> He calls your name again, this time more tensely as he’s found you- curled up, half naked in dirty clothes with small cuts lining your skin, all over your body. You don’t hear him. Do you even know he’s there?
> 
> You figure it out soon enough because he hears a gasp of surprise and then has to wrestle with you, get the knife out of your grasp, and throw it aside with pure hatred. Not towards you, but your mind. The action causesblood to seep from your wounds and although he’s de-sensitized to blood, your blood is something else. Something he can’t stand. He’s wrought with emotion now; so much so that it’s hard to speak. He can barely even manage the question, though he fears he already knows the answer.
> 
> “Why?” You break down, like you haven’t before, your face becoming pink and puffy as you sob and cry, flinching as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into his embrace. You don’t need to answer, in fact, he really doesn’t want you to, he doesn’t want to hear this, it hurts him. But you do anyway.
> 
> “I hate it,” you say. “The waiting and the wanting and the fearing of you finding someone else. I can’t stand it. I can’t! You give up so much- so much for me. I love you, I love you so much that it _kills_ me, because I’m not good eno-“ He clamps a hand over your mouth, interrupting you, silently begging you to stop. But that only makes your hysteria worse. And every word hangs onto him and claws at him until he feels raw. He doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t, and so he takes his hand away again. Wishing only that you could see how much you mean to him.
> 
> “Not good enough! I can’t- I can’t- I’m not worth it! John, why? Why do you- why do you... why?” You can’t even finish your sentence, much the less stop crying, and it’s another scene that he hates to see. It’s something that fills him with fear. He knows you. This isn’t the first time he’s come home to you bleeding, and unless something changes, it won’t be the last. He doesn’t know what to do. But he does know what to say. At least, he hopes so. 
> 
> “Because I care about you. I love you, I need you. I want you here with me.” He’s always struggled with words, and struggles even now, but those were what he needed most to convey to you. And it seems to be what you need, at least, for this moment. Because you get calmer, less hysteric, although you’re still crying into his arms, and he’s still holding you close. Part of him is worried that he will hurt you, with all the cuts, but the other part knows better. You don’t care. You NEED him. You NEED him, and right now, in this moment, nothing in the world can take him away from you.
> 
> “I love you.” He says it again, this time in a much more gentle manner as he rocks you back and forth, plays with your hair, rubs your back. Periodically placing kisses on the top of your forehead. But that’s not enough, and soon he can feel you tugging at his hair. He kisses you, hard, trying to pour all of his love and affection into you as he picks you up, easily, like you were nothing more than a porcelain doll. Eventually he has to break away for air. He carries you, then, through the trashed hotel room that you had created in your distress, brushing everything out of the way with his feet so he make his way over to the bed to lay you down. After kicking off his shoes so he can join you, he pulls your body on top of his, so he can hold you close.
> 
> “I love you.” He repeats it more times than he can count, over and over until it’s like a mantra and he can feel you relaxing. It’s a relief for him- with his eyelids growing heavy, he figures you can both deal with the world’s troubles later. Right now, he has everything he needs, right here with him. And he won’t let anything come between you. He will protect you- forever and always.


End file.
